Last night was terrible.
My dear friend Mk had a friend who died.
No details, he just died while in Peru. Mk has cystic fibrosis, and so I think about him dying a lot. My two rules for him when he went to South America were a) don't die and b) don't get arrested.
He got arrested. His friend died.
I worry about Mk enough that if he dies from anything not CF related, like if he gets hit by a bus, I will laugh my ass off for eternity. That is terrible and grotesque I know, but dying accidentally when you have a terminal “illness” is hilarious to me.
Anyways, Mk was understandably upset because he had lost his friend. And he talked to me about it, because we are close.
What we weren't close enough for is for me to tell him I sometimes feel like the world is going to end. I sit alone in the dark with obsessive thoughts of apocalypse, and having someone actually die was too much for me.
I worry about Mk enough that if he dies from anything not CF related, like if he gets hit by a bus, I will laugh my ass off for eternity. That is terrible and grotesque I know, but dying accidentally when you have a terminal “illness” is hilarious to me.
Anyways, Mk was understandably upset because he had lost his friend. And he talked to me about it, because we are close.
What we weren't close enough for is for me to tell him I sometimes feel like the world is going to end. I sit alone in the dark with obsessive thoughts of apocalypse, and having someone actually die was too much for me.
I had a massive panic attack. I was screaming and crying because I felt the world was about to end, and Jeff did the best he could to calm me down but I still fell asleep crying.
I woke up with incredibly puffy eyes. Comically puffy.
I had wanted to go to church (fears of the apocalypse will do that to you) but my face was so messed up I didn't want to leave the house.
Unfortunately I had to work later that day, but fortunately, my eyes had gone down to “mildly squidgy” by that point.
I bought some cakes and comfort ate all the way to work. I was then on a sugar high and feeling sick from the cake.
I woke up with incredibly puffy eyes. Comically puffy.
I had wanted to go to church (fears of the apocalypse will do that to you) but my face was so messed up I didn't want to leave the house.
Unfortunately I had to work later that day, but fortunately, my eyes had gone down to “mildly squidgy” by that point.
I bought some cakes and comfort ate all the way to work. I was then on a sugar high and feeling sick from the cake.
So I drank some gin.
I am such a good waitress when I am a liiiiitle bit tipsy. There was this big group of people who sort of filtered into the restaurant. I was on the ball, cracking jokes, having really easy conversation (talking to strangers is a real hurdle for me). It helped that they were nice people in a nice mood, but I was 100% the best waitress I could have been tonight.
Turns out they were movie stars. The Philadelphia zombies in World War Z, which is filming in Glasgow.
They thought I was great. MOVIE STARS THOUGHT I WAS GREAT.
They thought I was great. MOVIE STARS THOUGHT I WAS GREAT.
I am not a celebrity obsessed person, they weren't even “celebrities” exactly, but knowing that they really genuinely liked me is such a validating experience.
I AM NOT THE SCUM OF THE EARTH.
Also, after meeting zombies, I'm less afraid of the apocalypse now :)
I AM NOT THE SCUM OF THE EARTH.
Also, after meeting zombies, I'm less afraid of the apocalypse now :)
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